One of our guinea pigs died yesterday morning. Oreo was old, and it was expected. But it still hurt.

I don’t really know how to grieve when a pet dies. That’s not something I’ve ever learned how to do. I worry that I’m not doing it “right,” that maybe I’m feeling too much. Maybe I’m too emotionally fragile to have a pet if I’m going to feel this bad. After all it’s not like a human being died, right? How should I react? What is appropriate? What form of mourning does a guinea pig deserve? Was it okay to cry in front of the humane society employee when I dropped off his body? I couldn’t really help myself, but I still felt the need to apologize. Should I have?

As with most grief-related things, I’m probably asking all the wrong questions. It’s not really about having the “correct” response. I feel what I feel, and there’s not much I can do about that.

Mostly, I’ve never wanted to be the type of person who loses perspective — who tries beyond reason and sanity to keep a pet alive. It was Oreo’s time to go, and I didn’t try to cling to him. I just sat with him on our couch and stroked his head until he finally passed. Hopefully that was enough.

I didn’t feel super normal yesterday, but I still did normal things. I published new writing, so I posted about it. I took a walk. I called a friend. I watched a dumb video essay. None of it felt good, but it was better than just sitting around.

Even though I was exhausted by the end of the day, I couldn’t fall asleep last night. So I flipped through a few memories in my head and many more pictures on my phone. Gonna post a few of the latter below.

RIP little buddy. I miss you.